Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife – the knife world’s evil genius

Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife, blades out

In a re-boot of the Crocodile Dundee film, the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife¬†could well be slotted into the “That’s not a knife… this is a knife” scene.

It looks like a satirical pisstake, but the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife is most assuredly a real product. Part with US$999 for the Giant, and you could be the king of the campground.

The 87 implements (listed below) on this Swiss Army Knife perform 114 functions. There’s your standard knife and tool implements, a smattering of golf and personal grooming tools, a cigar cutter, laser pointer, flashlight, and, well, more.

The Giant Swiss Army Knife is 8.75 inches wide, and weighs 0.9 kilograms. Not surprisingly, it beat all comers in the Most Functions on a Penknife in the 2008 Guinness Book of Records.

The Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife has been around for a couple of years now, which makes me wonder just what the evil geniuses at Wenger are going to do next in this vein. Voice activated tool selection? Flux capacitor repair tool? Electric eel attachment for plumbers? Remote control function so you can click a button and have your big-ass Swiss Army Knife knife wend its way to you? Or are they thinking product mash-up, and have been talking to the evil geniuses at Nerf?

I don’t know the answer to this. But I really want to!

If the Giant Swiss Army Knife is a little too much, check out the rest of the Wenger range at the Wenger Store on Amazon.

What’s the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife packing?

Here’s the list of what Wenger has packed into the Giant Swiss Army knife, testing the very limits of modern metallurgy and pocket technology:

  • Nail file
  • Nail cleaner
  • Corkscrew
  • Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
  • Removable screwdriver bit adapter
  • 2.5″ Blade for Official World Scout Knife
  • Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
  • Removable screwdriver bit holder
  • Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
  • Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
  • Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
  • Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
  • Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
  • Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
  • Magnetised recessed bit holder
  • Double-cut wood saw with ruler
  • Chain rivet setter
  • Removable 5 mm Allen wrench
  • Screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
  • Removable tool for adjusting spokes
  • 10 mm hexagonal key for nuts
  • Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
  • Patented locking screwdriver
  • Universal wrench
  • 2.4″ Springless scissors with serrated self-sharpening design
  • 1.65″ Clip point utility blade
  • Phillips head screwdriver
  • 2.5″ Clip-point blade
  • Club face cleaner
  • 2.4″ Round tip blade
  • Patented locking screwdriver
  • Cap lifter
  • Can opener
  • Shoe spike wrench
  • Divot repair tool
  • 4 mm Allen wrench
  • 2.5″ Blade
  • Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
  • Double-cut wood saw with ruler
  • Cupped cigar cutter with double honed edges
  • 12/20 Guage choke tube tool
  • Watch caseback opening tool
  • Snap shackle
  • Mineral crystal magnifier
  • Compass
  • Straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
  • Telescopic pointer
  • Fish scaler
  • Hook disgorger
  • Line guide
  • Shortix laboratory key
  • Micro tool holder
  • Micro tool adapter
  • Micro scraper – straight
  • Micro scraper – curved
  • Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
  • Metal file
  • Metal saw
  • Flashlight
  • Micro tool holder
  • Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
  • Screwdriver 1.2mm
  • Screwdriver .8mm
  • Fine fork for watch spring bars
  • Reamer
  • Pin punch 1.2 mm
  • Pin pinch .8 mm
  • Round needle file
  • Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
  • Removable tool holder
  • Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights
  • Flat Phillips head screwdriver
  • Chisel-point reamer
  • Mineral crystal magnifier
  • Small ruler
  • Extension tool
  • Tire tread gauge
  • Fibre optic tool holder
  • Can opener
  • Cap lifter
  • Wire stripper
  • Reamer
  • Awl
  • Toothpick
  • Tweezers
  • Key ring
So what do you think? Could you see your pocket keeping company with this Swiss Army Knife?

Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife